The Illinois Bar exam is in exactly one week. I don’t feel like I’m prepared—let alone feeling like I’m close to prepared—but I’m told that this is normal.

The subjects are all merging together; I can’t remember which subject I was studying yesterday morning. I think it was Conflict of Laws, but it could have been Family Law. Either way, I remember learning about what to do in the case of an “insane baby.” Mind you, I don’t remember WHAT you do when you have an “insane baby,” I just remember learning that this is an actual legal predicament.

Another predicament, I suppose, is determining that your baby is insane. With older people, it’s obvious. If they say, “The banana patch monster ate my manure sandwich tomorrow,” well, that would be a give away. But with babies, it’s not so obvious. Most of the things that mark as an adult as insane are normal for babies.

The point is, if an “insane baby” question comes up on the bar exam next week, I’m screwed.

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I watch Night Court on TV Land. At three in the morning.

(For those of you younger readers, “Night Court” [1984-1992] is a sitcom about a young, idealistic, unconventional judge [played by Harry Anderson] who sentences flamboyant hookers in short skirts “fifty dollars and time served.”)

The irony is, with my sleeping habits—I suspect I have “Night Owl Syndrome,” which is a real disease, by the way—working at Night Court would be perfect for me. The thing is, as best I can tell, ‘night courts’ don’t exist. Not in Chicago at least.

Does anybody know if they have night courts in New York or anywhere?

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Thanks so much to all who came out to the Lawyer Boy book reading/signing/magic show this week—all 130 (!) of you. Several people have told me that the inscriptions I wrote in their books were illegible.

I have awful handwriting. I get it.

So…in case you were one of those people who got an illegible message, here were some of the more popular ones I wrote. See if the message in your book could be one of these:

“Enjoy!”

“Enjoy the book!”

And, if you are a lawyer, I probably wrote this in your book, “Get ready to defend me when my dad sues for defamation.”

Hope that clears things up.

AND…for those of you who couldn’t make it to the reading, here are some pictures of what you missed:

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